10 Commandments of Groove Disques
one thing the Groove Disques catalog is known for it's an exquisite
sense of taste. Or maybe it's our vision. Since 1986, the label
has not released one note of initially trendy and thereafter embarrassingly
cheesey music. Like a good button-down Oxford shirt, our releases
are never really "in style" but always stylish. Outsiders may assume
that it's the label's knack for finding artists with good taste
that have kept this streak alive, but the fact is, we at Groove
Disques MAKE our artists. The A&R department seeks musicians with
raw talent, lean bodies, full heads of hair, and the right balance
of astrological signs. From there, strong material and strict obeyance
to the following set of commandments offsets the physical ravages
of time and ensures the creation of records that will be fully appreciated
long after the musicians can reap the full benefits of the adulation.
We urge you to apply these commandments to your own musical activites,
whether as a musician or a listener.
shalt not abuse echo as a vocal device (see lone New Radicals hit
or "Us and Them" by Pink Floyd).
shalt not hire the Memphis Horns ("Stax/Volt Lite") to spruce up
your otherwise soul-less major label debut.
shalt not allow Mitchell Froom, his "exquisite" taste, his vintage
instruments, and his "spiritual compressor" to produce said major
label debut. A well-scrubbed kitchen sink is no kitchen sink at
all. Demand more, even if it's too much!
shalt not contemplate the "poetry" of Jim Morrison; enjoy "Break
on Through", "Land Ho", "LA Woman", and the drumming of John Densmore,
but not much else.
shalt not sing about Jesus, hellhounds, the Delta, cornbread, or
voodoo unless you have some sincere interest in/experience with
the subject matter.
shalt not base one's act on mental or emotional instability, devil
worship, or vampirism without proper documentation.
shalt not play "pointy" guitars; if it was developed after the late-'70s
BC Rich "Bitch", it ain't going on a Groove Disques release.
shalt not cover a stripped down version of any Peter Gabriel song,
almost all of which are boring enough with 96-track, UN-sanctioned
shalt not write or arrange an Elvis Presley novelty song.
shalt not tell a fellow musician "The only rule is there are no
rules!" There are.
Nixon's Head guitarist Mike Fingeroff wrote us to offer the following
additions to The Commandments:
shalt not perform any extended jams on a song unless they have been
completly planned out in advance (Rosenau's Law, 1987).
shalt not play any bass with more than four strings unless you are
Nixon's Head guitarist, Jim McMahon, offers the following defense
of pointy guitars (Commandment #7):
defense of pointy guitars, they have a pedigree on par with
the statocaster and Les Paul, the violin and viola of the electric
guitar family. The Gibson Explorer, the parallelogram shaped
grandfather of all pointy guitars, was introduced in 1958. The
playing public didn't take to the shape and Gibson placed the
guitar on ice until the experimental late 60's. The commandment
against pointy guitars also places the popular Gibson SG in
a sticky situation. The SG was the official Les Paul model from
about 1962 to 1968 (Gibson did not make the traditional Les
Paul model during this period.) The SG is unmistakably pointier
than a two tined devil's pitchfork, yet is the sonic backbone
of many classic tunes. (Personally, I was never comfortable
with the SG's look.) If this commandment must be followed without
execption, I'll help weed through your vinyl collection and
destroy all of the offending discs, starting with Funkadelic;
Bootsy Collins' bass had points numbering close to infinity!
For further musings from Jim McMahon, click here.
Anderson Council's Rob Farrell, never having been a Nixon's Head
guitarist, chimes in:
I have to agree
w/Jim McMahon about alot of his views. The Gibson SG, Explorer,
and Flying V are exempt. I think you should rewrite that commandment
to read something more like "Any pointy headstock guitar (aka
The Dwarf Killer) built after 1978 is strictly off limits."
This spares the 58 Explorer and Flying Vs, the SG, and all the
other weird-yet-cool guitars from back in the day.